Whod you bang
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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