I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
