My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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