Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
