you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
