My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
