She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
