I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
