You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
