Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
