Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
