Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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