Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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