Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
