i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
