I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
