definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
