Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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