Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
