Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
