She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
