she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
