It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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