Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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