none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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