Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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