so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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