I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
