You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize