His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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