i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
