I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
