I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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