I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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