My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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