Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
