I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
