shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
