My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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