i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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