do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
