Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
