my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
