i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
