I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
