Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want to be your penis for a week.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
