I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
