you guys were way drunker than both of me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
