That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
