Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
