I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
