Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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