Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
