yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
